2004-02-16 - 22:29
Its sometimes amazing to see how people forget completly the past or better the good there could have been or if they like me (or anyone else)the day they are annoyed or fed up with something negativ about me,the good never existed.At least they completly denie it,especially in front of anyone strange to the situation,and like that,those people not only get the impression those people never showed any intrest or told me they were my friends...they also think I lie when I say they did make me think they were a true friend.
This means they do not only denie me and the friendship that was there,they also make me sound like someone completly insane and disilusionel who imgine friends that doesn't exist or else projekt her own wishes into Relations that doesn't exist.
I think you can be very unable to be a friend to each other you still should not tell untrue things or denie the good that was there or not see anymore the good that they saw first in that person because if they hadn't seen anything good or enjoyed me as a person,tehy wouldnt ahve showed intrest in the first place.
What they say,as an example is the following.
Before: I like you,I had allways nice Interactions with you but if you do not stop your behaviour to respond to all at BF you willl be banned, and that would be a shame as you enjoy it there enormeous.
Now,while allready knowing all about me more or lessall the time:"That crazy Bitch" The only thing that makes it a bit more supportable is that this perosn is way more sincere now in my opinion to tell me all she thinks about me,than igoring me for a while ( like she did) but still reply to my messages from time to time with a friendly,long message. Doesn't make sense if she really beleive I am a crazy Bitch and think only to myself.
Well if I would I wouldn't care about other people,I would not feel hurt for them and I would have never choosen a Work were I ahve to help people who need assistance on a dailly basis.
Anyhow here some other examples
"Ilike you,I care too,otherwise I would have told you to get lost since a long time" and" I like talking to you,maybe we can become friends...let's continue to talk like we do,open up and say all without hesitation...although it's you who tell it all and I do not tell that much about me ( ok,for a real friendship we would need BOTH to OPEN UP in my opinion,but that person opened up a bit anyhow)"ust call me,if I do not want to talk I say so or do not take the phone..;If you wanna come,just come.Don't you need to use that Return ticket?"
Nowadays,I'm simply 'a women' or a "belgium Bitch" why that person knews me,denies the old friendship or me as a person completly and does even lie about my nationality,while he knews persfectly well that I am german and not belgian.
Another person turns things around,and hasn't enough honour to not lie about me,it's pretty much deffamation pur and simple.As
an example he made look the visit I tried to make while the person I tried to visit had invited me several times in our guestbook and twice on icq...as stalking.Or a act of complete insanity.and even teh person itself pretendet I had stalked him in person by even coming to the place where he lives.
I honestly don't know how anyone can live with it to tell such huge lies about anyone,and someone they
told three days before that visit that they call themselfes friends.
I knew that doesn't justifie anything I did and that I allways tried to contakt the persons that had made it clear that they had enough and didn't want ANY further contakt anymore.I made all worse and worse,but I did also apologize,I did ask for forgiveness,I felt guilty ect.
They on the other hand never apologized or even admitted to have
done some mistakes on their side.
It's not ok to make someone think you are a close friend when you are not.At least listen if that person asks twice if she doesn't come to close(or strongh)towards you.Don't say no,she doesn't.
To say excactly that one week later...it might be a bit late for taht person to still realize it completly or not get hurt and insulted my accusations tht weren't true,like I would have told a lie for a Reason why I came to try to visit.
(anyway,I'm ranting here,I do not know if anybody reads this even,maybe not as its much too incoherant....But I needet to get it out.
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